Dear H:

You are welcome. You wrote that you hope that what you shared makes sense. Well, when your friend called you selfish, saying that you not being aware of how your behaviors affect others, it probably is not that you intend to bother a person when you ask him the same question repeatedly, but that you are driven  to do, compelled by fear.

Thing is, whether you intended to bother a person or driven by fear, the result are the same: the person gets bothered by being asked the same question repeatedly, so you shouldn’t. It takes time and work but it is  possible for you to be driven to ask and yet to resist and  not ask. I know this from personal experience.

The other friend blocked you, saying you neglected him while you kept asking for validation and reassurance. His claim makes sense as well. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t intend to neglect him, the end results are the same.

You wrote that it got really bad over the last four years, I wonder what happened in the last  four  years to have caused your anxiety to increase, whether your life circumstances changed.

You wrote: “I kind of end up loving  that person so much it sucks the  energy out of them”- this part doesn’t make sense, because love does not suck the energy out of a loved person, it does the opposite. So I figure it  is not love but fear.  Actually you wrote it  yourself: “I think it’s because I am scared“.

You wrote that you are scared that if you “don’t  make the effort  they’ll forget about me and hate me.. no longer want to be friends”- someone forgot about you when you were very young, I am guessing. Someone was angry at you (hate is strong  anger), somebody didn’t want to be close to you?

I will be back to the computer in about fifteen hours. If you answer by then, I will be glad to communicate with you further. Take good care of yourself!

anita