Dear Lily:

You are a woman biologically and legally, but emotionally, you are a child. It is not  right for you to be in a sexual relationship with anyone. You are too focused on what you believe that are doing  wrong to have the mental space available to see who the man is:  who is this person?

You had interactions with this K, not a relationship. You are  wondering, after the breakup of a non-relationship, who was this man. You wrote: “His actions tell a different story than his words, I think..”- you are  not sure. And you are not sure after the breakup of a non-relationship.

You need to be able to find out if a man is trustworthy, if his actions fit his words, before you have sex with him.

I do hope that your new therapist will help you see that you are a worthy person, a person worth no less than any other human being on the face  of the planet. But until you realize that you are worthy, it is necessary in the matter of basic decency, that you do not engage  in sexual activity.

Get to know a  man if you want in a public place, stay away  from being alone with a man anywhere, so there is no chance for sexual activity. Basically, you are  a child  in a woman’s  body.  Honor this child, keep her away from harm.

Make this new year one where you honor you, a year for you to treat yourself with respect and see to  it that others do too.

anita