We talked about being boyfriend girlfriend.  Said no and then the intimacy happened. after saying no. Yes, you understood correctly :). It might not be over. We may end like friends, but I dont feel like being able to be friends. My mental state is crumbling. Its just i feel like I lost myself. Its hard to get motivation for me and now I dont have any. Maybe its partly because of my ex. Mother still asks me how I am, and feeling absolutely terrible, not going to school and almost not eating for past 3 days, I must admit she is starting to bother me. not proud of that. She would help me but i dont want to. She is just somehow bothering me. I probbly osund like a spoiled whiny brat but. Oh. Who knows maybe I am. I dont have mood for anybody. And I hate myself for having this mood. I know there are ups and downs. But this down is starting to be quite long and unbearable. Plus this typical feeling that I will never fall in love again. yes. you know that. and then my impatience. i want somebody right know, but i dont want anyone. I even stopped meditating for no reason. Oh, I just realized its been two weeks when i last meditated. things are going downhill pretty quick. very quick. My next psychotherapy visit is in two weeks and I dont think i will make it to that day. Its gotten out of control.