Dear Lily:

That “self hate” is your father’s/mother’s hate (strong anger/disapproval) in the form of your inner critic. Your inner critic is the mental representative of your parents who keeps disapproving of you,  keeps hating you. This is why their disapproval is not in the past (“But that is  the past”)- it is very much in the present.

Remember I said you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a man because you are still a child? This is because a young child is too eager to  please, to  say Yes. So when you, as an adult meets a man who  wants you to service him sexually, which has happened (!), you are likely to say Yes.

Until you are able to say No to a man, no to a man’s sexual advances, you shouldn’t be dating.

Not dating  at all will minimize your feelings of disgust with yourself.

anita