Dear Lily:

I am also “relieved  that this  thing with K. is over”. And I agree that you are irrational, as we all tend to be  “when stressed”, and that  you “try to please people too much”.

Because “With people I’m more comfortable with, it’s easier for me to  say no and tell my true opinion”, it  is important that  you select the people in your life and interact by  choice only with those  you are comfortable with. And “take a moment to think before saying yes from  now on” is an excellent resolution, as  well as to think more about what Lily  wants!

You wrote to me: “be kind to  yourself. Maybe at first you partly thought you were guilty, but then you realized it  isn’t  true”- in a similar way when you feel guilty next time, think again, and  most  often you will realize “it isn’t true”, you are not guilty.

Regarding perfection, in the  context we are talking about, there  is no such thing. If I ignore  my pain and walk perfectly, that is  not perfection. It hurts, so I limp. Regarding my inner critic telling me I am pretending to have  pain so that others watching me  limp pity me, I am rethinking: maybe I want  some  empathy, nothing  wrong with that.

You wrote: “I often get so afraid of making mistakes and  get too perfectionistic”- can you give  me an example or two?

anita