Dear Monique:

You are welcome. I will focus on what I believe is the heart of the problem as I see it, clearly and state it in a straight forward way:

You wrote in your original post, “My mother, particularly. While I do have the utmost love and respect for her”-

As children we automatically and naturally love  our mothers. We are born to love her deeply, unconditionally and desperately.

We are also taught to love and respect our mothers/parents. When we feel angry at our mothers, when we become aware of her wrongdoings, we feel guilty, as if we are bad people for thinking ill  of her.

Your mother, like mine, has been and is abusive and “thinks there is nothing wrong with her”. Mine is not of your culture, but similarly abusive. I would say abuse is common across all cultures and locations in the world. Your mother, still being married to your father, is harming him as well.

For as long as you continue to have the outmost respect for your abusive mother, you are paying a high price for that respect, so does your boyfriend, and so will your children if you have children.

You need to disrespect your mother because of her behaviors. I don’t mean that you should yell at her or call her names. I mean, in your heart and mind you should disrespect her because her behavior harms innocent people, and you have been  her innocent victim.

Choose the side of what is right and reject what is wrong. Reject the person who is doing wrong regardless who he or she is, be it a stranger or your own mother.

What do you think/ feel at this point?

anita