Dear AnxiousAsUsual:

There is only one way to “be closer to him emotionally and to better understand his world and hopefully help him to better understand mine”, and that is to communicate in a peaceful, non threatening manner, using what my past therapist called EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect.

When a person feels threatened, they get farther, not closer. When a person is angry, they attack or run away. If an EAR communication doesn’t happen, better see a good couple psychotherapist and practice it in his or her office, with guidance right there.

If I was you, I would want to know the very things you want to know: is he depressed, what is his past experience with ED, his concerns with it, his plans etc. But I wouldn’t interrogate him and ask too many questions at any one time. Instead bit by bit. Difficult for an Anxious as usual person, I understand.

I am wondering: what did he share with you so far regarding being possibly depressed, lack of self care and so forth, and what are his relationships with his parents, past and present?

anita