Dear AnxiousAsUsual:

You did very well during the talk with him, not bringing up the ED topic and not talking too much when you felt that he was defeated, low in energy, I am impressed with you.  I think it is fair for you to expect him and let him know that he needs to call you if he is out late, and it is also fair to talk with him about boundaries with drinking.

And I agree that it seems like he probably felt he was “getting in trouble” and cooperated with you so to get out of trouble with you, being too agreeable. “stated that he didn’t have anything to add” sounds like he felt that he was interrogated, or getting The Talk from an authority figure.

Regarding his anger at his father and relationships with his father on one hand and with his mother on the other, pay attention to his energy after he communicates with either one, how he behaves right after and whether he feels better after a period of no contact with either one. A conflicted, distressing relationship with a parent is very powerful in a child or adult-child’s life and therefore is very exhausting. Over time a person gets depressed when the same distress repeats and never gets resolved.

anita