Hi Anita,

I don’t think I seek comfort in her company, advice or approval anymore. I think I stopped doing this when I was young. That being said, I do look to my father for those things, and unfortunately they are a packaged deal. If I call him, or try to visit him, she is always around. 

I’m having a particularly rough go yesterday and today… I was actually making progress with my partner, we were reconnecting even though it’s difficult with the distance. However, yesterday morning we had a small disagreement over the phone (he was rushed to go to an appointment, and I was keeping him on the phone too long to try to clarify a misunderstanding about something I said about his dad) and since then he won’t speak to me… he won’t answer any of my calls, and told me he never wants to talk to me again. I was not prepared for the level of anger… I never dreamed he would be so angry. When I asked him why, all he said was that we don’t communicate well, that we don’t get each other and we never would. As I tried to figure out why he was SO angry at me (I understand being frustrated, or just wanting to end the relationship, but it was the intensity of his anger that confused me) and he got very mean. He told me I was an idiot, that I disgusted him. This was an hour or two after telling me he loved me and hoping I had a good sleep. 

I’m so hurt, Anita. I cannot understand why he is SO angry with me, why he won’t talk to me at all. Usually if I “mess up” or make a mistake, I can place or understand the anger. But in this instance, I am totally lost. I wasn’t expecting it at all, and I am still shocked that this is how he feels. After everything we have gone through together, been there for one another, it hurts so badly to have a loved one say these horrible things to you. It’s been over a day now, and he has not changed. I thought maybe once he calmed down, we could talk, but it looks like that will not be the case. 

What’s worse, is I feel all the same feelings from when I was a child. But worse. I don’t think my mother ever spoke to me with such anger and disdain as he has. I’m truly broken over this. How my best friend, my partner, could treat me this way over some silly misunderstanding. Why he would rather choose to attack and destroy me than figure out what happened. I am in shock. Just yesterday he was telling me he loved me, that he was glad we were reconnecting. How could this all go so wrong so fast over 2 minute conversation?