Dear laelithia:

You wrote regarding ten days ago that you didn’t look for your mother’s support and advice, that you called your father for those things, but your mother “chimed in”. But you didn’t mention Jan 20 anything your father told you. You only wrote what your mother told you.

You wrote in your recent post that you told your boyfriend about your regret regarding your previous boyfriend because your recent boyfriend is inexperienced in relationships and you wanted to educate him about what a normal relationship is like, and because he was mean to you and you “deeply missed having a partner be kind and sweet to me”.

These two motivations are not consistent with what you shared with me before: your relationship with the previous boyfriend of about two years ago was not healthy (I assume you mean healthy when using the word normal), your previous boyfriend was not kind and sweet to you any more than your recent boyfriend, maybe less so.

I would say, laelithia, that I detect a lot of convenient, or expedient thinking on your part, a retroactive representation, or misrepresentation of the past, aimed at making you feel better, resting in the false belief that your recent boyfriend was in the wrong and unwell, and that you were in the right and healthy.

This convenient thinking is preventing you from learning from your experience so to proceed to healthier relationships in the future.

anita