Hi Anita,

My father told me that he likes my current partner as a person very much, even believes that they are friends as he is responsible, hardworking, educated and reliable. However, he told me he didn’t think he was a good partner for me. The reason he said was that my current partner (I will refer to him this way to remove confusion between him and my ex of 2 years ago) was a very rigid person, that he would only be happy with a partner that went with his way. My current partner did say several times he needed a partner where it was his way or the highway. I actually think I could have worked with this, but the problem I faced with him is he didn’t like to communicate what “his way” was, and instead expected me to know automatically for being his partner. In other words, to intuitively know what he did and did not need from me like his mother always did he said. I told him that was maybe unrealistic of a partner, but he didn’t agree.

Well, my previous partner/ex was not good to me in the sense that he would still be talking to other women, not committing, etc., but in person, texts, and calls, he was always very nice and sweet. My current partner does not handle stress very well, and often explodes in an angry tirade but feels better afterwards. I simply was not accustomed to this, I was shocked and hurt for some time about it. He later explained that although he got angry with me, he always came back. And this was true. I think however every time he got angry, yelled, swore, said mean things, my heart broke just a little more even though he did always come back.

I suppose I am trying to assume the opinion of my father, that this relationship was simply not a match, to begin with. I suppose this is easier to cope with than believing it was solely my fault that the relationship ended. That being said, I have always felt that my current partner was resistant to open communication (such as Skype or phone call) and would instead always gravitate to text message. I found this extremely frustrating as I truly believe text is not an appropriate medium for serious discussions as it leads to so many misunderstandings and miscommunications. I believe our recent argument is a perfect example of that. I feel if I had just been able to speak to him on the phone, I could easily clarify what upset him so greatly in our last conversation, but he would not let me. Many times he has not but will only text.

I think there is a great deal I have learned from this experience, but I am truly saddened that it seems my learning cannot benefit this current relationship anymore. I miss my partner greatly, at the end of the day he was my true (and often only) friend. I feel saddened that he feels hurt by my actions in our relationship, but I am even more saddened that he would not accept any apology or making amends that I tried to offer despite never receiving an apology for his cruel words to me in the present or the past. He has said before that I “killed the nice version” of himself, and that I have no one to blame but myself for how he is toward me now. Is that really possible?

I’m very confused about all of this, and I desperately want to be able to speak to my partner over the phone to discuss this, but he seems completely unwilling. My head is spinning over how yesterday morning at 10am we were speaking lovingly over the phone, the incident with his father occurred, he hung up, and an hour late her never wants to speak again, and still doesn’t.