Dear laelithia:

You wrote about your childhood: “I remember feeling like I was a trouble maker to (your mother), always needing more of her attention and getting upset with her over things and feeling hurt that she didn’t console me after an argument“-

This very childhood emotional experience, that which I italicized above, is the emotional experience you keep re-living. The arguments keep happening, you keep feeling upset, and you demand the attention of the man  in your life to those arguments  so that you will finally be calmed and consoled.

A healthy, loving, intimate relationship with a man is impossible for you, and it will continue to be impossible even with the most patient, kind, honest, intelligent, educated and physically attractive man  in the world unless those early arguments are resolved.

These arguments of your childhood show themselves in your present life as you argue for and against your own practice and as you argue for and against this man or the other man. Attend to the early arguments and they will stop getting re-activated in your present life circumstances.

Will you elaborate on you as a child, in relationship to your mother, “getting upset with her over things and feeling hurt that she didn’t console me after an argument”?

anita