Dear AnxiousAsUsual:

The problem is bigger than sex, there is not enough communication between the two of you.

You wrote in your earlier post: “I am feeling the need to detach from him.. to just run before I am hurting too much… I feel like I am supposed to act like everything is okay… I feel like he is acting like everything is normal, when it is not”-

-Cleary everything is not  okay and not normal, so do not pretend it  is. He may pretend it is and it works for him but it doesn’t work for you to pretend that way, and it wouldn’t work for me, if I was  in your shoes.

“Does he wonder, ‘hmmm…”-  when good communication happens, you don’t wonder what he thinks about, you ask him and he answers, no more wondering.

“Any tips for focusing on myself and allowing him to have his process?”- but you don’t know anything, really, about “his process”, what process is it, if any, that he is engaged in? Communication regarding his process didn’t happen yet.

My input this morning: present to him the sexual  issue: tell him that you are interested in the two of you engaging sexually in a particular way (give him the details), a way that requires effort on his part, but does not require him to get or maintain an erection. Listen to what he says and let me know what it is, okay?

anita