Dear laelithia:

Once you asserted yourself with your mother the obsession with the ex of two years ago subsided. This means that you did something that needed to be done, it was the right thing for you to do for your own mental health. But notice: a lifetime troubled relationship with your mother cannot be put to rest with one phone conversation. You will need to insist and persist in no longer having any personal relationship with her, none at all beyond pleasantries and what I mentioned in my post to you before last, 2/5. If your mother pursues you for a personal relationship in any way, you will have to re-assert yourself.

Regarding your current boyfriend, I would say a healthy relationship with him is possible, like you wrote, “He, like myself, is a work in progress”. If I was you though, I wouldn’t make any move toward living together in Canada or in Europe until a few months pass without you talking to him about any man you were involved with in the past. I would need to prove to myself and to him that this is possible, that a record of let’s say six months is the evidence that it is possible.

It is definitely not the time to make any move toward relocating, not even close. I would give the relationship six months before addressing relocating. Lots of time to communicate. If I was you I would get more information about his relationship with his mother.

anita