Valora,

“I think it might help you work through this if maybe if you reframe the situation in your mind to accept more of the responsibility for how you’re feeling rather than saying HE made you feel this way, because you are also part responsible for what is happening now for choosing to date within your friend group and you’re also responsible for how you perceive things (and usually it’s our own perceptions that play into our emotions)… so you might be really angry with yourself for putting yourself in this position in the first place. ”

This is what I am really trying to do now. And honestly, I have been rebuilding myself continuously for years in the same city, but that takes time. When he and I started dating it was such a natural inviting environment to be in and to get to know many people in a fast way. I literally felt like a rug had been pulled from underneath me when it was over and I was supposed to somehow find myself alone in this group which contained mainly his acquaintances (not all friends, maybe superficially). I think I clung on to him after the break-up because I didn’t know where to go, and looking back that was a terrible idea. He was never someone I should have had as a friend after the break-up, it was way too painful and still is. I think that messed with my expectations of him, that because we were in this grey area of friendship and sleeping together for way longer than having an actual relationship, I relied on him and yes, had expectations of him.