Dear Andrea:

You shared that you were physically and emotionally abused in past relationships. Then you met this guy, and the two of you talked for four months. You told him a little about your past experience. Then, after four months, the two of you decided to date. While dating, you told him more about your past. Then the two of you had a little disagreement and he told you: “You deserved what you got”!

He shouldn’t have said that, of course. It was rude and cruel and he betrayed your trust in him all those times you shared with him about your past experience. He used what you shared with him as a weapon against you, aimed at hurting your feelings further.

When getting to know a person, it is important to learn who the person is when he/ she is angry or otherwise distressed: does the person contain his anger or does he lash out at others-

– can’t learn that when the person is calm.

Most damage people do to others is done when they are angry. Just like any animal, anger contains in it the motivation to hurt another. As humans, in most circumstances, we are supposed to not react to our anger automatically, but pause and think. Then act.

I suppose that was the ending of that dating experience?

anita