Dear Hella:

“I still see myself through his eyes a lot. I guess I just want someone else to view me the same way he did .. when it was really good between us. I hate to let go of that”-

-People are our mirrors. Think of that: our eyes are situated in such a way that we don’t see our faces, we see other people’s faces. So when we see a person looking angrily at us, we may think we did something wrong, that there is something objectionable about us. When we see a person looking lovingly at us, we may think we are lovable. It is surely so for children, when a parent looks angrily at a child, repeatedly, the child automatically sees herself as objectionable, something being wrong about her.

Back to you, he is your mirror, what you saw in his face/ body as he interacted with you many times was something beautiful, intensely desirable. You want to see yourself this way again! It is difficult to let go of this view of yourself.

It may help if you describe other mirrors in your life, past mirrors perhaps, your parents, what you saw in their faces as they looked at you?

anita