@Brandy,

You’re totally right in most everything  you said. My husband treated me incredibly well for a long time, that’s why I chose to marry him. That being said, once this relationship with his employee started (even their “friendship”), it’s like everything went out the window, I guess. He used to be incredible to me, I know that’s what I miss so  much about him. Not only the way he treated me, but just who he was as a person (or who I thought he was/who he used to be). To respond to your comments:

1. You’re totally right. I looked at it as him having a drink with a friend, nothing else. If I could go back and change it, I would. We’d all gone out and gotten drinks, hung out, etc. before…but I should have set boundaries and he should have respected me enough that I should have never had to ask him to do that. He should have just known that it wasn’t appropriate as a married man.

2. The way that he responded after all this was devastating to me. I pretty much knew he was going to leave me when that was how he responded. Supposedly, she freaked out when that happened and started saying she was going to move out of the country, blah blah blah and he decided to comfort her instead of me. It was incredibly disrespectful. I shouldn’t have called him,  you’re right. I should have locked him out of the house and forced him to think about what he did…but I didn’t.

3. I don’t know why I didn’t. I foolishly believed the both of them when they told me what they did. In hindsight, I would have handled everything differently than I did. It’s too late to change it all now, I regret it every second of every day.

I’m sure my judgement is getting blurred by my pain. I know that it is, but I don’t know what to do with it. I hurt all the time, every day. I regret not treating him better in our relationship/marriage, I regret the way I reacted when all of this began, I regret so many things. I know that he was/is in the wrong and he disrespected me to the deepest level he could, but I still love him and I miss him. I know I need to move on, I tell myself that all the time, but I just can’t. Maybe I’m weak, maybe I’m naive, I don’t know.

@Claudia,

I don’t know why I’m not angry. I mean, I am angry that this has happened. But to be honest, I get more angry at myself than anyone else. Well, and angry at this girl that I thought was my friend. I know I should be angry with him…I guess part of me thinks, if he was so unhappy, then I should let him go so that he can truly be happy. As much as he is wronged me, that’s what I want for him, I guess even if it’s at my expense.

I don’t know if he knows that I’m here waiting for him. He and I haven’t spoken in 2 1/2 months. I have no idea what he knows about what I’m feeling, doing, etc. That being said – he KNOWS me. So, I don’t know. I have cut him off completely. Though he claims that nothing happened between him and his employee until after he left me, I don’t believe that. We have mutual friends (men and women) that also think they had something going on before he left, as well. Of course, I have no hard evidence, but if I think it and everyone else does…there’s probably some truth to that.

I know that I’ve been mistreated. I just have a very hard time not feeling like maybe I deserved this. It’s hard to communicate what I’m feeling because it changes every minute, hour, day. Today’s not a particularly good day – which can probably be deduced by my tone in all this.

Anyway, I appreciate your insight. Hoping I can get through this, but sometimes I don’t know if I really care.