Dear Giovanni:

Your girlfriend of four years repeatedly told you and your family that she wanted to marry you, that she wanted to be  with you for the rest of her life, that she would do anything and everything for you,  but a week  ago she broke up with you, telling you that she “wants to figure things out”, that she thinks this breakup is “something we need”, and that “she  hopes e can be together again”.

You  are “terrified that she’s using this break to explore other options and see if other guys are better than me

“Should I fight for  her and try to win her back? Or give her space while she figures things out’?”, you asked.

I find it very easy to answer your question whether you should fight for her: no, is my answer.

It would have been a yes if the woman who loved you before and still was in trouble, then yes, fight for her, fight to save her and make it possible for her to be safe with you. But she gone not because she was taken away from you against her will. She chose to leave you.

When in love with one person, when emotionally attached to one person, we  imagine our love is specific to this one person. I think this belief originates in our very early lives, as we, like  other young mammals, focus on just one individual, the mother, usually, and follow her wherever she goes, being singularly focused on just this one individual.

But as the young adult that you are, no longer dependent on a parent to feed and protect you, really, there are more options than this one individual.

After all, there is plenty of evidence that this is true, men who loved one woman and then… loved another, no less. Maybe more. Why not consider such evidence and have some faith in it-

what do you think?

anita