Thanks for all of your help so far guys, it is really appreciated. Anita I have been giving your observations some considerable thought and they do explain my current situation quite well.

Today my wife is not speaking to me. Earlier this week she told me her family would be coming to visit and that on Sunday we would go for a family day out. At first I said ok but then I had to explain that actually no I am not ok in going out with the family and pretending everything is all ok and I am fine, I am not fine and it is not ok.

She did not like this and she stopped talking to me over text, then when we got home she didn’t speak to me other than to say yes no e.t.c. She went to bed very early and left me downstairs all evening until I went to bed. She got up this morning, didn’t speak and only said bye when she left the house. She didn’t even tell me that the road was icy over text message like she normally does (I ride a motorcycle). She has yet to message me at all today so there’s been zero contact, just giving me the traditional silent treatment.

Normally I cave in and get angry at her, she then cries and I give in to her but not this time. She also told me that her sessions at the counselor has now been changed to once every two weeks. When I asked why the counsellor had done this she informed me that she (as in my wife) had decided on her own to reduce the sessions. She did not ask me what I thought about this, or make a decision together, just told me this was what she had decided. So now it feels like the agreement we had when she goes to counseling has been forgotten and the silent treatment seems like plain manipulation to me.

I think this is the last straw. I feel bad for not making it longer but I do not see what she is offering in this situation, I am doing all of the work and have come up with all of the ideas as to how we can proceed. She only agreed to counselling because I said it was the only option I see open to us to keep this discussion going. Now she has begun to wane in her commitment to that. Her silent treatment to me and her confusion as to why I won’t just pretend to be ok for her family makes me think she actually doesn’t understand how much pain this has caused me. She says she just wants me to be happy and I believe her but I think what she means by that is she wants her own way and wants me to be happy about it, she doesn’t seem to have actually made any actions to try and make me happy about this situation, in fact she has been moody and passive aggressive in the house.

I think I have decided I cannot do this anymore and for both of us to have a chance at being happy we need to call this done. I have tried to make things work but we want different things.

Whether I have the courage to say this is another matter though. I am scared of what she will do, and I am scared of what her family will say to me. I love these people and I am about to break their daughters heart. It feels remarkably unfair.