Dear Lily:

I ask because I am trying to  understand. In the past and most recently you shared that you disliked your parents early on, as a child, that you understood then that they were treating you wrong and you even exited their religion, a courageous act! It read throughout your sharing about your childhood and your relationships with your parents, past and present, as if you were and are a courageous, independent minded child/ adult who knew before and knows now that her parents were wrong.

But then outside the context of your childhood and relationships with your parents, you doubt yourself so very often, suffering terrible self doubts, feeling such shame and disgust a with yourself (“a lot of self disgust”, you shared today), that it doesn’t make sense: the independent minded, confident child who knew her parents were wrong vs the dependent minded (what-do-others-think-of-me), excruciatingly lacking confident adult that you have been, particularly prior to the recent progress that you are making.

What happened to that confident child who figured out early on that her parents were wrong– why has she feeling that she is wrong every step  of the way in her life as an adult?

anita