Dear Ana:

No it is not. Think of this: the perfect cake, perfectly baked, perfect ingredients, one’s very favorite. One slice makes a person happy, so does the second, and the third. At one point a person feels uncomfortable, bloated and as he continues to eat the perfect cake, eventually he will vomit, feeling very sick.

Another example, the perfect drug, a narcotic, a person takes it and feels very, very happy. So he takes more and then more, a few days later, some  more, and for some reason it no longer works, and he keeps taking it not because it makes him happy, but so  to not feel the sickness of withdrawal.

To continue to enjoy the perfect cake, what people do is they eat a couple of slices, then take a break, a day later perhaps, have another slice. People who want to enjoy the happy affect of a narcotic will take it once then have a break, then take it again a week later, so they don’t build a tolerance.

Back to your father: if you were the perfect daughter (which would be impossible because you are not a baked product, or an extracted chemical, but a living and breathing organism), he would have developed a tolerance or would get sick and wouldn’t be temporarily happy anymore.

The reason he has been able to feel happy at times, temporarily is because in between the events of you pleasing him, he is miserable. The emotional ups for him are possible because of the emotional down in between the ups.

In other words, no, you didn’t, don’t and can’t make him happy, you can only pick him  up at times from his down, like a drug would, or a cake. And for that, you are paying a huge price in your experience of life.

anita