Dear laelithia:

Your ex, the object of your obsession had a good point when he asked you to limit your interaction with your parents: “In fact, that ex asked me many times to limit my interactions with my parents for the very reason that he could see the negative impact on me”.

Personally, I see the negative impact your mother has on you and expressed it extensively in my communication with you so far.

But you don’t see it. It is you who don’t see the negative impact your mother/ parents have on you: “I do not feel my mother has nearly as much power over me as this ghost of my ex. I am able to stand up to her lately..”

If I see it, and your ex saw it, but you don’t see it, is it possible that you are blind to what he saw and what I saw?

Here is an image I am coming with: you are stuck in a cage  in a zoo with a wild cat, a cougar, a big hungry cat. But you’ve been stuck with this wild cat for so long, you no longer feel afraid. You got used to it, and so, it chews on your arm once in a while but you don’t feel the pain. People walking by the cage can see your arm bleeding, what is left of that arm, and they tell you: get away from that wild cat! Open the cage and escape!

And you say: but I am not in a cage, I come and go as I please, I am able to stand up to this wild cat, I successfully assert my boundaries with this cat, no problem here.

The problem is over there.

anita