Dear Ben:

1. You wrote Feb 15: “Normally I cave in and get angry at her, she then cries and I give in to her”. Today, you wrote: “I came home from work and had the talk with her and she broke down, sobbing and wailing… She begged me to let her try… so  I relented”- so the pattern continues, you assert yourself, she cries, you relent.

2. She cries a lot: “We proceed to get married and just after a year of marriage she cried her eyes out one morning in December (I think) saying she was concerned I would leave her… She was in hysterics almost so I calmed her down… She is distraught and cried her eyes out… She broke down sobbing… She broke down, sobbing and wailing, she was distraught”.

If she did get pregnant, something she is scared of, she may be crying a whole lot. And when she gives birth and feels trapped with a baby she was scared of having, she may cry a whole lot more.

Problem with crying is that a young child is negatively affected by his or her mother crying a lot. The child will take responsibility for his mother’s unhappiness, this is what children do.

3. So your kid is likely to have a mother who cries a lot, in hysterics, distraught, sobbing, wailing and to add to  it, she “tends to be pessimistic and rigid” and she in the habit of giving “the traditional silent treatment”.

4. You wrote: “I want to teach my kid like my grandfather taught me.. I want to show them hunting and fishing. I want to show them how to play pool and play video games”-

But if his mother shows your kid that she is miserable having him (or her) in her life, it will be a very sad kid, no matter how much hunting and fishing you take him to. There is nothing more painful for a child to feel unwanted, to see his mother distraught.

anita