Dear Butterfly:

You opened your post with my name. But I am only one member here, the most active and for a long time, but still one member.

Regarding your thread- I am glad you posted. I hope you fully recovered from the pregnancy termination, that you saw a doctor after the experience you described and that you are fully recovered, are you?

Regarding your boyfriend’s response to your physical pain: no doubt it was unsatisfactory. But if your pain was expected, if you knew and he knew that it was expected, it was not a good idea to expect him to listen to the moans all night long. What is the use of that?

Again, if the two of you agreed to the termination, and if the two of you knew it was not life threatening, and if you had all the possible medical help available to you at any time during that night, better after a long time on the phone, end the call and let him sleep so that he can attend to the appointment the next day.

Men are often very uncomfortable with the expressions of pain, physical and emotional. It is so because they are taught to not express pain (the boys-don’t-cry message). I have seen it myself in a loving man, real loving and decent and very helpful, not showing empathy for a person in pain because of feeling so uncomfortable with the expressions of pain.

I don’t fault a person for feeling uncomfortable, they can’t help what they feel.

If your boyfriend is otherwise caring and helpful to you, and if he asked you for the details of the pregnancy termination and the pain you expressed on the phone was expected, and he knew as you did that the pain did not indicate danger to you, maybe his unsatisfactory reaction is forgivable.

What do you think?

anita