Dear Ylva:

I think that it is okay to not read his novel. On the other hand, the issue of your distress over other women and your boyfriend has been ongoing (“Jealousy is my major weakness. He might point out the attractiveness of another girl (completely innocently), and I will somehow feel threatened by this”, you wrote May 2017)-

-and so even if you don’t read the novel, the same distress will continue, attaching itself to the next time an attractive woman is in his vision, capturing his attention for a moment.

Maybe reading his novel is an opportunity for you to reduce your sensitivity to the issue, maybe you can read about his experiences with other women (not very sexually detailed, I hope!), women who are now in far away lands,  and say to yourself: it is natural for a (heterosexual) man to be attracted to women, he was born that way and this attraction is not going anywhere.

He will continue to look at women. I can’t prevent it any more than I can prevent him from ever being hungry again. It makes as much sense to expect him to not desire food ever again as it is to expect him to experience no attraction or no appreciation of a woman ever again.

You can say to yourself, if it is true: he has proven to me that he is loyal to me. I trust him.

And as you read and come across the next description, take a moment, breathe deeply, talk sense to yourself and continue.

What do you think?

anita