Dear Ylva:

You are welcome. I still do not understand #1 but maybe I don’t have to.

“It hurts to feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t think it’s natural to look at attractive people. I don’t see the big deal. To me, it would be so much more understandable if people were attracted to personality traits”-

– you are not the only one. I too do not see the big deal in appearances. Cleanliness, yes, I care about that, but otherwise, not much. But you and I are women. Men are different in that most are very visual, they are simply… bamboozled by the sight of a physically attractive woman. It has to do with the biological mating instincts of a man, nature saw to it that males (of many species) will be so attracted, so excited by the sight of a female, that they will work very hard to gain access and mate with her.

In nature, the female wates as the males compete, the one who works the hardest, tries the hardest wins access to her. What motivates the males to work so hard (doing those complex mating rituals and fighting competition) is the excitement that they feel. Nature sees to it that emotions motivate animals to perform activities that promote survival of the individual and the species.

Regarding your boyfriend having kept in touch with a former girlfriend and  arranged to meet her, that would distress me too, absolutely. Hopefully it was a one time attempt on his part and he learned to not repeat it. Did he?

anita