Dear Nichole:

I figure you miss your ex because you are lonely. If you were involved in a relationship with another man right now, and there was attraction and interest there, you probably wouldn’t be missing your ex at all.

About the Narcissistic Personality Disorder, overused, too popular to mean anything to me. With an exaggeration, but to make a point,  I would say that everyone’s ex boyfriend is Narcissistic.

What were these men before the this diagnosis-turned-label-turned viral was coined?

No one is born with a personality disorder, the labels are collections of symptoms that are placed in groups by psychiatrists and later by well, everyone interested. I look at the basics, what is in the core of the person, not at collections of symptoms. Diagnoses/ labels have their function, as in being used in billing by insurance companies, and as a starting point in therapy. But not much beyond that.

Personality disorders point to a person’s symptoms becoming so severe and persistent that therapy is difficult, and the person is not interested in therapy or in looking inside and changing.  When you meet a man in the future, Nichole, pay attention: is he capable and willing to look into himself, to consider that he may be wrong, is he capable of listening to you/others and reconsider his thoughts and behavior.

I am looking at your 95% estimation of percentage of people who use other people, unfairly I assume you mean. Well, I hope it is not that high. I don’t think it is that high.

anita