Dear Nichole:

As you know, I have never met, nor did I ever communicate with your ex boyfriend. But neither did your therapist, and yet, she has  diagnosed him as a narcissist  (“my own therapist agrees that my ex was a narcissist”).

Regarding your suspicion that you fit the BPD criteria, you wrote: “I don’t have these behaviors anymore since being no contact with him”- BPD behaviors appear only in the context of intimate relationships, not when you are not in an intimate relationship.

In my case, I was officially diagnosed with BPD, by a professional. It was a tough road but I no longer exhibit those behaviors and I have been in a healthy intimate relationship for a few years, BPD-free. It took a few long years of me enduring my distress without reacting, without saying and doing what I felt like saying and doing. Over time and self control, those urges to carry on the BPD behaviors calmed down.

There is the proof that it is possible to be diagnosed with a personality disorder and following lots of work and time, to no longer fit the diagnosis.

“I have read hundreds of women’s stories that mimic mine to the tee”- people are of one species, the human species, and so, we share a whole lot of the same behaviors, not much different from other animal species, for example, all dogs wag their tail when they are happy to see you and they bark at perceived trespassers (unless trained otherwise, I suppose).

As far as the men in these women’s stories fitting your own to the tee, let’s look at one behavior: “he would pick at me until I exploded”. He picked on you because he was angry at you, and that is what people do when they are angry, pick on the one they are angry at (or go out for a walk and take a time out, which is more evolved).

What the NPD online crowd did, was to take everyday behaviors that all humans exhibit and add made up elements to  it, ex., that he picked on you for the purpose of meticulously destroying you over a period of years.

The cold hearted person who meticulously goes about a plan to destroy another person month after month, year after year, to finally succeed is a rare person, and those who do go about such a plan do it for a substantial financial benefit, the victim’s money and property.

What was his benefit, what did he get out of his evil, meticulous, well-thought of, cold hearted plan to destroy you over five years or so; what motivated him to execute his plan against you?

anita