Dear Lillian:

You are afraid that as a result of a breakup your athletic performance will suffer, you are afraid of being alone, of feeling awkward in the social circles you share, and of seeing him maybe with a new girlfriend (“knowing what he is up to in his life”).

Notice that currently you are in a relationship with him and you are already scared of the things that didn’t happen yet. You are already afraid.

Fear is a powerful emotion and sometimes during each and every day, every human on the face of the earth is afraid. We all have to live with fear. Lessen it, manage it, regulate it, yes- but we have no way to eliminate fear from our lives, no way to decide: from now on, I will not be afraid! – and make it happen.

Here are my suggestions:

1. Consider talking to your coach about the situation, now or later (if there is a breakup). He/ she may be very helpful to you!

2. Talk with your boyfriend about staying (“expectations and needs in the relationship” and more) and about leaving, the two options you are looking at (“To Stay or To Leave”)- talk with him and make a plan about how to manage a breakup if it happens, how to deal with the social circles you share, the coach (see #1), future boyfriends/ girlfriends, and so on.

You are already afraid of a breakup, share that fear with him and plan a course of action regarding both options. Fear lessens when we have a plan.

Regarding your fear of being alone, plan for that too, if a breakup happens, plans who you will talk with and spend time with.

What do you think?

anita