Dear Lily:

Because you resolved an issue with your co worker, you got encouraged about the possibility of resolving the issue with the flatmate (“Maybe I can also resolve the situation at the dormitory”)- see, success breeds success, it builds confidence. Same with you not putting yourself down: the more you succeed, the more confident you will become about your ability to not put yourself down when talking to others in the future.

You didn’t do anything wrong regarding the suspicion expressed by the flatmate, so remind that to yourself. The reason you feel that you “actually did something wrong already!” is that you have a core belief that you are wrong, that you do wrong things “because I heard lots of negative things about myself as a child”, just as you wrote.

Attending the floor meeting can be a positive experience if you prepare for it well. It will be a good exercise and if you succeed, you will feel more confident in resolving future conflicts. If you want to prepare here, on your thread, come up with a few scenarios, one of which what you fear happens (“everyone will gang up on me”), and plan how you will respond.

I will be away from the computer and back in about 14 hours.

anita