Hi all, I hope everyone is coping?

I’m having a really tough time today, I start a new job tomorrow and it’s hell not having her for support.

I’m finding myself checking my phone repeatedly in case I’ve missed a message from her or something, which makes absolutely no sense because she hasn’t contacted me in months so I don’t know why she suddenly would today. Unfortunately me getting in touch with her isn’t really an option so all I can do is hope that she’ll reach out… which seems very unlikely.

There’s also the fact that even if I did manage to speak to her, barring a very sudden change of heart from her it seems unlikely that she’d be there for me and make me feel better like she used to. Yet I’m still sat here like an idiot, repeatedly checking my phone hoping for a message that says “I’ve made a mistake here, let’s work on our issues and be together again”.

I just feel awful, the pain is unbearable and I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel.