I really am grateful for all your messages.
I’ve been keeping this inside for a very long time, it just made me feel better to have this outlet in expressing my thoughts and asking opinions without fear of judgement.

It made me realize that what he did a few weeks ago was a sign from the universe that I needed to do something about all of this. If not for that, I wouldn’t reconsider the life I’m living now.

His controlling attitude towards me made me think that he’s doing it on purpose to hold me back from achieving independence. I’m guessing he’s avoiding for it to happen because once I’m independent and able enough, I might consider suing him.

I never considered suing anyway even 9 years ago, when he apologized and told me not to send him to the police because if that happens, he won’t be able to support us financially and I will lose a father. The memories were still vivid in that car, how I wanted to just open the car door and jump out to kill myself. Even years after, I still get anxious in getting to the car with him alone. Now after the recent incident, I just refuse to get in the car with him alone, even if it confuses my mother.

I know I have to get out here ASAP but I just don’t have the concrete steps yet. I only have roughly $1k on my bank account. I’m only working on a freelance online job which pays me more than an office job that’s why I prefer it, but and a week from now this job will be over and I would have to find another to sustain my funds. I’m considering working in another country but I’m not financially capable for that, which means I would still ask from him and that would definitely keep me in debt, but has more advantage than just staying in the same town.

We’re still not talking up to now and its ridiculous how we walk past each other inside the house. I just wanna know what should I do about it, whether I should just be kind or continue ignoring it.