Dear gj:

“My constant fear is that .. I may ruin my life”- is your current life so wonderful, or even satisfactory, so much so that better not ruin it.. what if you ruin your current life and have a good life instead?

“I may ruin my life by trying to change things up or choosing a path different from everyone else”- is your mother happy or content with her life as it is, with not changing things, by not choosing a path different from everyone else?

“My constant fear is that I am a raging, emotional and unstable person..”- and you want to feel okay with having a miserable life, like your mother’s and your father’s- to be okay with things as they are, to not want something better-

-what if you can be calm for having a better life, instead of by calmly accepting a miserable life?

“My mother often reminds me that I may regret this later- when I am sick, old or in a financial crisis”- it will feel miserable enough to be sick, to lose the ease of using our bodies with advanced aging.. whether you are single or married, whether you follow the traditional path or choose a different one.

What if choosing the wrong husband, or the wrong husband being chosen for you will cause you to get sick and age faster… and even get into a financial crisis?

“I don’t understand why it is so hard for me to set my mind on something and work for it. I don’t understand why I cannot act on things..”- because you are afraid and you mother (and others) are scaring you.

Look at your mother’s life throughout the time you know her, ever since you came into her life. Do you want her life? If you do, take her advice. If you don’t-

– if you don’t want her life, stop listening to her.

anita