UPDATE: It has been a little over six months and I can’t explain how much this forum impacted me. I don’t know exactly what it was, but I think I really just needed all of my thoughts to be validated at the time. Even the most irrational fears. After I posted this, I realized there had been an incident with the guy I was talking about that made me feel embarrassed and insecure, and out of panic, I began to believe he would be better off without me. The day after I posted this, I spoke with my mom about the thing that had happened and started to cry. I felt a huge weight fall off my chest and was suddenly just so grateful for where I was in my life. It was the last day of my summer job and I texted the guy during my break, asking if he would like to hang out afterwards. He agreed, and I talked to him about my realization. Long story short, we have been together for the happiest six months I have experienced in a long time. I no longer suffer from derealization like I had for 5 years, and even though I still have bouts of anxiety and depression, I feel so much stronger mentally. I find myself in emotional standstills from time to time but it is nothing like I used to. I wish I could give my incredible partner all of the credit, but the truth is that I just needed to be validated for once. All of my pain and resentment kind of made peace with my present. I no longer hate my parents. I love my life, and sometimes I get sad that it’ll all be over one day. I am still insecure, and still have lots of stress and anxiety, but I am so much better than I had been. Thank you to each one of you for the time you took to reply, and for the empathy you generously offered me. I had completely forgotten I had posted this.