Dear Charlie:

I would leave it as is then. Your ex is too uptight about the meeting I suggested and which you thought was a good idea. He believes it is a bad idea and his girlfriend does too, so it can’t happen.

After your son has his time with his father, it is better that you don’t ask your son too many questions so to not alarm him, to not send him the message that there is something wrong with him being with his father, that maybe he shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t feel okay being there. Ask him casually about his time and listen well. If you hear nothing alarming, don’t ask further.

What is most important to your young son is to see that his mother is okay, calm, to see his father calm, no arguments, no tension in the air. If it takes doing nothing to accomplish it (giving up on meeting with her personally and together with your ex) and not providing him with a blended family experience, be it.

The blended family experience is often a disaster, really, from my experience.

anita