Dear limbikanimaria:

December 2016 you shared in your first thread here (you can click your username and get a record of it): she, your mother that is, “made shameful comments towards me. For example, she noticed I had eaten a lot of food and asked did you enjoy your binge?'”- this is congruent with what you  posted yesterday, more than two years later: “She walked by and said ‘did you enjoy your binge’ and kept walking”.

In this thread you wrote that you told your mother that you “didn’t agree with her parenting style on how my disorder was handled“- her comment and other comments she made regarding your eating disorder was not a “parenting style”, it was something she said because she felt like saying it. She was annoyed with you, I suppose, and blurted something. Blurting something is not parenting and it is not handling anything.

You wrote here: “I have been feeling stuck the last few years and very resentful towards  my mother… I have made progress on letting go of some of that resentment and keeping in mind that she did not have the tools to properly support me..”-

I see the reason for you being stuck for years as that you focus, like many adult children do, on your mother instead of on you. Your focus should not be on how to no longer be angry at your mother. Your focus  should be healing. Be angry at her. She hurt you so it is natural to be angry at the person that hurt us repeatedly.

Stay angry at her and look elsewhere for help. Stop looking for your mother to help you… stop looking for help from the person that created the problem in your life to undo it.

Regarding why she denies this memory which you shared about Dec 2016 and again, March 2019- because it is convenient for her to deny it. It feels better for her to deny it than to admit it. Let’s say she sincerely forgot, she could have said to you: I don’t remember saying it, and then consider that she may have said it and forgot that she did. After all she doesn’t remember a lot  of things she said in her life. But she denied it.

It feels better for her. Why not stop communicate with her altogether, why are you still trying to get her help?

anita