Dear anita

It’s back – the hopelessness – i don’t know what to do. I think two things triggered it –

1. Thinking I should prepare for the interviews – just the thought

2. Although it is a holiday, my mentor posts a message that she is really excited to take up some new work, that was obviously to show manager that she was working. But thing is I could have done this work, the other seniot talked about working on that with me, as you know i was working on another thing, so I assumed I would be working on the new work after this one was done. But she comes from the side and takes it away. Should I have been working parallely on the new thing to protect it from getting snatched, i am so sick of never getting it right.  I don’t want to engage in the world anymore. My life is so pathetic, happiness is so easy to break, it hurts more than before.

I feel like a loser, trying too hard to make my life work, and I am reminded of what i really am, how my life is an uphill task. It is too hard. There is nothing to cling on to.

Girija