Dear Curiousgeorge:

You are welcome. You brought up impulsivity, “I tend to be very impulsive”, you get scared, “let things consume me” and you react any which way, “mess things up for myself”. You can stop doing that by paying attention to that fear, that powerful emotion, when it starts, and unless you are in a situation of clear-and-present danger, calm down best you can, take deep breaths, take a long walk outside, listen to music, choose the way and relax.

Our worst thinking is done under the influence of fear. Fear is like fog in our brains, we can’t see clearly. So better relax, clear that fog, so to see the situation. I hope that you rethink your impulsive decisions to quit your job and move states away, and that the management at work will be open and understanding this week, not … reacting impulsively to your impulsive quitting.

Regarding the women in your life, four of them: the ex of eight years, the ex of 1 on-and-off year, the most recent ex-not-yet-girlfriend and the maybe former best friend of ten years- the latter, the best friend, talk with her more, maybe she really did think it was over between you and the second woman. Maybe.. she was impulsive that night.. and you understand impulsivity. Some betrayals are unforgivable, maybe hers is forgivable and maybe it was not a betrayal at all (I don’t know a lot of details).

The second woman “has a habit of lying, even about irrelevant things”- for a person not in that habit, for a person who cares about honesty, this is a deal breaker, no matter her “very sensitive genuine side”. I bet every human being has a very sensitive genuine side that shows up at times, it is so because we are all born very sensitive and genuine and that part, or side never dies for as long as we are alive. Sometimes you can see it in the cruelest of people and it amazing to see it. But we can’t be in  a relationship with every person because of that side because we have to see who the person has become.

Often that very sensitive and genuine side is locked within a person who lies and deceives, one who betrays our trust and mistreats us. We have to evaluate the person, not the inner-child locked in there.

First woman is in your past then, other then sharing your dog, the second woman should stay in your past, the third has come around you wrote, so there is a chance, and the fourth, your former best friend.. unless I am missing an important detail, forgive her. After all, you betrayed the third woman somewhat, haven’t you? Forgive yourself and the fourth and see to it that you are worthy of trust yourself.

To be worthy of trust, manage your fear and impulsivity. Think when calm, before you act.

anita