Thanks Anita. That’s very true, I guess I am the only one who is able to choose the way I let something affect me. It’s just hard in the moment to practice this, logically I know I need to take some time out and calm down but when I’m feeling a certain way I find it hard to step outside of that.

My manager pulled me aside yesterday and said ‘Can I throw your resignation in the bin’. I said ‘I can’t unresign’, and he said ‘well if it’s in the bin I never received it, I told you you’re valued here, talk to me next time don’t just up and leave’. My company is very good to me. I’ve been there for 5 years and they have been very understanding.

In regard to the best friend, she knew it wasn’t over with the ex as she knew I was intimate with her just the other week. I just feel morally I would never go there with a friends most recent ex, or ex in general if there were feelings involved. I want to forgive her, but I just don’t feel I can trust her now. She had been such a good friend to me, as I had been to her, but that’s why I think I can’t move past it, because it hurt a lot. When we spoke about it her apology didn’t seem awfully genuine, it was just reasons as to why it was okay. I’m torn, I understand about the impulsivity side and it’s double standards in a sense, but I just feel hurt.

Wow, you have explained that perfectly! So many people have been trying to make me understand the second woman is not a nice character, but I’ve always seen the good. But the “Sometimes you can see it in the cruelest of people and its amazing to see. But we can’t be in a relationship with every person because of that side”. That really made sense to me, thankyou. It’s almost the people with a very questionable side are often the one to give more chances to, because when you see the good in them you almost justify it by saying ‘underneath all that they are a good person’. Which she is, but sometimes that doesn’t make them right for my life.

The third is occasionally responding, she’s taking her time, but I’m just happy to have her apart of my life and see where it goes. She’s set on a friendship but who knows, I guess time will tell. Do you have any suggestions on how to work on fear and impulsivity? I have thought about meditation, perhaps a retreat for a few days.

Thanks again for the message