Dear V:

You are welcome. You asked about “any other strategies as to finding the root cause of these thoughts?”- my answer: your fear as a child in the home you were born to, your father’s aggression was no doubt perceived as danger by the young you (“My father used to be incredibly aggressive”).

In addition to his aggression both your parents were anxious and distressed for a long time (“My parents were always in court.. I was only 6… this had traumatised my parents.. who are all still effected by it over a decade later”)- a child witnessing her parents very distressed for a long time perceives it as danger, because distressed and disturbed parents don’t seem capable of taking care of the child.

At this point you live with your parents and your father is recently a double amputee, this very recent development, maybe increased your anxiety.

You mentioned a professional- as you can see, it is quite easy to figure out root causes when they are clearly there. But the strong emotions involved in those root causes, for you, these cannot be … resolved in communication here. It will take a long time in the context of quality psychotherapy to do that. You will need to sit face to face with a capable, empathetic therapist who you trust, over time.

If you want to share with me more about your current living situation and the reason that moving out is not an option, please do. It is perfectly fine with me if you choose to not share and not answer any of my questions otherwise. I do wish you well regardless.

anita