Dear coconut:

“Before we moved in even though we loved each other our relationship was kind of toxic, we broke up once, we were fighting almost all the time”-

-this is my understanding this morning: you were angry with him before he agreed to live with you and you felt your anger was justified by the fact that he didn’t spend enough time with you. So you fought with him, relieved yourself from your anger at him, temporarily, and during those times you felt love for him.

Since he  moved in with you, you are still angry at him but now, you don’t see a justification for your anger, because he is spending enough time with you and he is wonderful to you, so you don’t fight with him, nothing to fight about. But you are still angry at him and when we feel anger at a person, we don’t feel affection of love for that person. We don’t want to feel love for a person we are angry at.

I am supposing that in your family of origin, at home, with your parents, you were angry too, weren’t you?

anita