Dear Girija:

There is a place for you in this world where you will not be a prisoner. In a sense we are all prisoners in that we have to follow laws (and if we don’t, we may end up in prison with its own unwritten laws), and rules such as in the work place (and if we don’t, we will be unemployed)-

– but there is a place for you, Girija, somewhere in this world that is best for you, never completely free, as there is no such thing, but as free as can be.

It means, there is a place for you in the world where:

– you can have your own room, and be free to do as you  please in that room, without being watched by your mother and sister who have shared that one room with you.

– you can live in an apartment without your father and grandmother who you clearly dislike.

– you can live without your mother who has damaged you and manipulates you still.

– you can work and make more money than you are making now and you can keep that money and use it for your purposes, what you want, how you want.

-you can choose who you associate with, at least outside of work. If you don’t like 99%  of the people out there, you have the freedom to spend time with just that 1%.

But none of these as-free-as-can-be living options are available for you without enduring the (unjustified) guilt that is involved in leaving behind the people … leaving behind the people who don’t care about you!

There is nothing I can do to  take away this unjustified guilt. I have wasted decades of my life because of this unjustified guilt, all my youth gone, wasted in that guilt.

This guilt is like dirty oil in a bird’s feathers, making it impossible to fly. So the bird is stuck with that sticky, dirty oil until she dies.

Or… maybe that bird can stumble to a clear little pond and clean her wings, then dry them in the pleasant sun, and fly away.

anita