Dear Ana

When you and your ex boyfriend lived in the same city, you used to “fight a lot, since he needed more space than I did and that always made me feel lonely and unloved” (from your Dec 2018 thread). Once he moved and the relationship was long distance you felt better, “since him wanting to spend time alone was no longer an issue”, and you “stopped missing him so much”. About March this year, you and your long distance boyfriend broke up, and April you started talking to his best friend who still sees his (ex?) girlfriend from time to time and who is not interested in a relationship with you.

“I’m trying to get to terms with the fact that we will never be anything more, but it is being hard for me to give up on us yet”-

– I think you are very conflicted about having a relationship with a man because having one causes you anxiety, and that is very unpleasant. This is why you felt a relief when your ex boyfriend moved away and the relationship became long distance. On the other hand, you do need that together-experience with a man. Hence, the conflict.

With this guy, it is attractive that this is not likely to become a relationship (not experiencing the anxiety involved in having a relationship), and yet, well, you do need that together-experience.

“Is it really okay for me to keep on talking to him?”- I suppose talking to him, for you, is experiencing a bit of that together-experience with a man without the anxiety of actually being together, as in a relationship.

What do you think of what I wrote here?

anita