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Hi Anita,
I am pleased to report that since last writing in this thread, I been able to stay true to myself (both now, and as my younger self) in regards to my relationship with my parents, particularly with my mother. I think I am able to understand and validate myself a bit better, and I no longer seem to judge or criticize myself for my feelings regarding her and our relationship. We do not speak much anymore, but we both seem to be alright with that. I think being able to pull away from my parents altogether (am I 30 now after all!) in the last few months has been beneficial for me to be able to sort out my thoughts, feelings, and long term goals.
That being said, I still feel a bit lost as to what I should do with my life moving forward. I feel faced with some very big, life-changing decisions. I still feel that my current city (and hometown) is not the best place for me and my personal growth and have always longed to live elsewhere, yet my business is doing quite well and I find it difficult to justify a move just because I “feel” like it. However, at the same time, the idea of staying here for the rest of my life scares me. On one hand, I would be happy that I was close to family and a handful of friends that I see once in a while, I can’t seem to shake this feeling that I would be happier somewhere else. My reasoning for this is that my current city is very conservative (I am more openminded), very cold weather most of the year, not much to do in any season other than maybe eat and drink, and lastly the desire to live somewhere else to see if I like it better.
I’ve always thought of moving to somewhere in Europe (which also probably plays into why I have tried so hard to maintain my current relationship), or somewhere warmer in the West of my country. That being said, I seem to have extreme cognitive dissonance with this, as I also value being close to my family. I’m not sure how I should navigate these big decisions, and I feel so torn which is an uncomfortable feeling each day. Do you have any ideas or strategies on how I can sort through this?