Hi Anita,

I will do my best!

1. No, I hae never taken any medication for mental health except for stimulants to treat ADHD. This was a disaster for me, and if anything, seemed to exasterbate my symptoms of anxiety/OCD characteristics. I have been off this medication for around a year, and I think it is this experience that terrifies me to take any SSRIs or other medication for mental health for fear of side effects and/or dependency. That being said, I do still think of it as an option, as a last resort.

2. I did attend psychotherapy consistently from 2016-2017. I thought one therapist was extremely helpful (very direct, but supportive) and the others I saw after her departure was, unfortunately, less helpful (mostly reframed what I said, not a lot of feedback) and I have not found anyone else yet.

3. His position is the same. He is quite assertive about this point, and although I do believe it is a possibility he might be open to moving some day down the road, I doubt it would be to Canada, and I think anywhere else would still be a small chance. I would enjoy living elsewhere I believe (although I don’t know since I have never left my hometown), but I am afraid of the consequences of doing so in my relationships with my family and friends. My mother has been in ill for many years (although doing much better now than she was in 2016), my aunt is terminally ill, and my extended family, in general, is ageing. I worry about leaving my home country and missing out of a lot, not to mention if I were to have children one day and for them not to have a relationship with my family.

4. Unfortunately, I do think this will be a problem. For instance, his mother still does his laundry (at her insistence!) so he brings his clothing back and forth from his new apartment (he “moved out” almost a year ago) so she can do this for him. In that sense, he is not fully independent yet and has not yet committed to his own apartment, even though it has been close to a year. I was able to convince him over many months to finally purchase a couch, a bed and a TV, but the progress is very slow for him to “adult” in some ways. I’m sure this is not my place to push anything, yet I feel frustrated at 28 years old he seems reluctant to move forward with his (and by extension, our) life. He is masters level educated, has a great management level position, yet in some ways he seems very childish in his personal life.

All that being said, his mother is an extremely kind and generous person and has always been very nice to me. It seems to me she just doesn’t want her son to grow up and leave the nest, even though he somewhat has already.

5. Yes, I believe I would be able to. I would need to find a position there in order to obtain a visa, but I could also work virtually part-time. We discussed finances, he is of the impression that I would need to make my own money but that he would be able to take care of some of the rent while I got settled. That being said, he does seem very wary about financial topics, and although he is well off and in a position to support me a little more, he seems unwilling to do so. I wonder if some of this is due to cultural differences, as I noticed Swiss people are very “fair” and seem to like things equalled.

6. I think so if the concerns I raised in the past with past relationships were not currently relevant. For instance, when he gets upset he will often threaten to break up. I believe this reopens the feelings of abandonment from past relationships, and then I begin ruminating about the past again. I have asked him to refrain from doing this, but he has very little emotional regulation skills when it comes to anger and often says mean things when upset.

7. I think if this happens we will break up. Depending on how I feel about living in Switzerland,  I will either stay, move back home, the UK, or another city in Canada. In either option, I am not too afraid of building a life (i.e., making friends, finding a job, etc.) as I feel I am not too bad at this. The one positive of this scenario I can think of is that I would have known then that I tried everything to make the relationship work, that there was nothing else I could have done. That being said, it’s possible I will regret giving up my current work situation and be even older than I am now to begin a new relationship and family (this I feel less confident in my ability to do so). I feel that it is impossible for me to know what to do because I cannot predict how I will feel in the future, which is my struggle.

I hope that helps!

• This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by laelithia.