Dear Claire:

My summary of what you shared and my understanding of it:

You met a man, a father of two children who showed real interest in you-  he was the driving force in the relationship and you followed his lead. He introduced you to his parents and to his children early on. You got on well with his parents and with his children. You felt safer in this relationship with him than in any relationship with a man before him. It felt like “for the first time in my life I felt love for (a man)” because he showed more interest in you than men before him (?)

When he broke up with you, a few months after the beginning of the relationship, it was “a rea shock” for you because you felt safe with him, safer than before, more trusting of a future with him than ever before. You imagined your life with him and now, “I just don’t want to see my life without him and his children in it”. And you wonder if you did something wrong, maybe if you “slowed it down, maybe we would have lasted longer!!”

More of my thoughts: reads to me that he is impulsive and not too responsible. The impulsive and irresponsible part was introducing you to his children too soon. When he broke up with you his son cried and his daughter must have been very saddened, having stated to you before that you were the best girlfriend her father ever had. I suppose he introduced previous girlfriends to his children, this is why his daughter was able to compare you to his previous girlfriends.

While the relationship with him was going strong, you didn’t know that he was impulsive, did you.. you believed as time went on that he was sure that you were the one for you, correct?

But now, if you see that he was impulsive and somewhat irresponsible, you can look back at the relationship with this understanding and see things you didn’t see before. If you are interested in doing that, looking back, sharing here what happened before, it may help you figure out what to do next, figure out if there is a reasonable chance of this relationship to resume, or not.

If you choose to look back and share here, for this purpose, please do and I will reply, aiming at better understanding of what happened and what is likely to happen.

anita