Hi, sorry to hear about the troubling thoughts you are having. I dont have all the answers  but I think I can help a little. The very fact that you have these thoughts and feelings show that y ou regret some of the things that happened. And, yes, Gid does love you! He (or however you view God) espee loves us when we admit our failures. Then we can start fresh and move forward!  While being yourself is always best, I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting friends or people to love. We are all important. Of course what others think about our looks or job or education isn’t very important. But caring for others is good. I believe in God. Maybe He appeared in various ways to various people, I dont know. But whiever He is, He wants the best for us. Move forward. Start fresh! You are worthwhile. Find inner happiness and also feel free to care for others. One shouldn’t cancel out the other. It is hard and sad to lose others but someday we will be together. I am sending you good thoughts and a spiritual hug! Take care!