Dear Gregory:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words! I will be responding to the recent three posts you submitted (the last one in front of me as I type this is the one starting with “My fear is one!”)-

You stated: “I will achieve my target and my amazing goal of become a Captain in command (PIC) or call it Pilot in command, and my son Agoth Gregory,  will be my first officer”.

You wrote that your estranged wife’s brother who is in primary school called you today asking you for rent money that he/ your estranged wife need, telling you that his father will not help because she betrayed you, her husband. He told his daughter: “Go to any boy friend you are targeting to pay the money the rent of new house”. Your estranged wife, her mother, her siblings, are hoping that the grandmother in Canada will send them more money. You shared that there is little chance for the younger sister to get married because in South Sudan, men look to marry a woman whose father and mother are responsible, correcting their daughter if she does wrong. “If you find out that the mother of the girl is a devil, then you will automatically quit the girl”.

But your father in law, he is a responsible man and this is why he told his wife: “you had spoiled my name. And I do (not) want to be part of you anymore. Go to any place you want in your heart”.

I agree with what your chemistry teacher taught you- the mother is very powerful in her child’s life. And so, you must protect your son from his mother (and her mother).

My thoughts regarding your estranged wife’s young brother calling you for their rent money, their financial needs-

– like you wrote earlier, “when a woman begins to cheat  on her husband, then she is planning to divorce”. This means that your estranged wife is no longer your wife. Legally she is, but in every other way, she is no longer your wife. She was, but is no longer. And it was her choosing, not yours.

This means that you do not have any financial responsibilities for her whatsoever. Let’s say she and her younger brother and sister… and mother need rent money and they may become homeless if they don’t get money to pay rent- their situation would be the same as many other people in South Sudan, where you live, people without a home. Notice this: you have no more responsibility to your estranged wife’s family than to any other family who is homeless in Juba, South Sudan.

Giving her money makes as much sense as giving any homeless stranger money, you are not more obligated to her family (herself, her mother, her sister and brother) than you are obligated to any other stranger. I know you are not a rich man, so you can’t help everyone who needs help. Help your son first, help yourself. If you ever have more than you need, more than your son needs, then help those strangers you choose to help.

anita