Dear Nikki:

It hurts a person to not be “a part of the cool crowd”, to be considered not good enough to be a part of the popular group of people, and it is so not only for a young person, but at any age. I think the pain is raw when it happens at a young age.

“My shame came from not fitting in… not a part of the cool crowd… for not being more confident in myself.. for forgetting my goals and chasing a boy instead… forgetting who I was”-

– as the social animals that we are, our inborn goal is to be a part of the cool crowd, that is, to be accepted as a valuable member in a social group that we value. We are born to seek acceptance in a group with the intensity of survival because an animal alone, rejected by the group often dies.

I hope you forgive yourself for having a natural goal, or need to belong to a social group or to a social group of two, the one with your former boyfriend.

anita